Okay, I know it's early. Of course it is, Giambi hasn't even landed on the 15-day DL yet (does anyone really believe he'll start a hundred games at first this season?). But just let me get this out of my system. I need to expel my anxiety about how the season is already in jeopardy, how this might be the year the Yankees finally miss the postseason for the first time in 15 years. Yes, I know this sounds completely ludicrous just eight games in, but as a New York sports fan I took an oath to overreact at every single twist and turn the season has to offer. And unlike our former governor, I take my oaths very seriously. So here goes.
Let's start with the hitting. As in, "When the hell are they going to start hitting?" This is an All-Star lineup, right? I just sat through one of the most excruciating displays of "offense" I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing. And it came against the staff of the sudden powerhouse Kansas City Royals, who struck out A-Rod four times. Again, it is early, but consider that this was only the fourth time in his career that he's picked up the Golden Sombrero.
Think about these numbers: 10 for 53. That's what the Yankees are batting so far with runners in scoring position, a paltry .189. Are we in the playoffs already? Someone needs to tell this lineup that it's April and not October. To make matters even worse, now Jeter, arguably the team's best clutch hitter, is out for at least this series against the Royals. I don't know how much longer I can watch Wilson Betemit (with 3 strikeouts of his own today in Jeter's place) do his best Mark Bellhorn impersonation facing batting practice-type fastballs.
The pitching? Sure, Wang has been outstanding, and even Moose resembled a crafty veteran last night mixing up pitches, changing speeds and using pinpoint accuracy to make the most of a below 90s fastball. But did anyone catch the last starts of neophytes Ian Kennedy and Phil Hughes? They had about as much control as Ricky Vaughn before his manager fitted him with a pair of bifocals. We chose these guys over Johan? Come on, you knew that one was coming. It was only a matter of time.
Not to be completely negative, here's a ray of hope: Joba and Rivera are the game's best 1-2 punch coming out of the bullpen. Wait, did someone say bullpen? That word gives me heart palpitations, simply because of two names: Kyle Farnsworth and LaTroy Hawkins. I can just see GM Brian Cashman sitting down with the Steinbrenners during the offseason to discuss potential bullpen acquisitions. The conversation may have gone something like this:
Cashman: "You know, we could always use another washed up ex-Cub closer in the 'pen. How about bringing back Tom Gordon?"
Hank Steinbrenner: "No, Dad didn't like how he wore his hat. It was too crooked. Who else ya got?"
Hal Steinbrenner (frowning at an OTB racing form): "There's no way that horse is 10 to 1."
Cashman: "Antonio Alfonseca?"
Hank: "No, he has too many fingers. Might scare away the kids, and we want to break the attendance record again this year. Anyone else?"
Hal: "Tiramisu. What an odd name for a racehorse."
Cashman (snapping his fingers): "I've got it! LaTroy Hawkins! He's always available!"
Hank: "Cash, you're a genius. But if he stinks, you're fired!"
Hal (zoning out at the racing form, whispering): "Tiramisu . . . Tiramisu."
Why do the Yankees have to make an inexplicably worthless signing every offseason? Every time I see Hawkins or Farnsworth so much as pick up a baseball in the bullpen, I start crying harder than the first time I watched the ending of In America.
Okay, okay. Now that I've purged a week's worth of "The sky is falling!" emotions, we can move on with the season. We Yankees fans must believe that sooner or later the lineup's batting averages will stop resembling interstate highway markers, the young pitchers will start throwing strikes and Giambi will look spry playing gold glove-caliber defense at first. Alright, how about 2 out of 3?
And one more thing. No matter how bleak things may look this season, no matter how low the high-priced Bombers may sink, there's always one piece of information that will offer the ailing fan at least a hint of solace during the dark times.
Repeat after me: "Hey, at least they're not as bad as the Knicks."
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