Nothing like squaring off against your crosstown rivals to . . . send an already slumping team even deeper into the doldrums of gross underachievement. Wow, what a terrible baseball team. There's no clever way of paraphrasing things, so I won't even bother trying. The Yankees are just plain awful right now.
How awful? One fact should sum things up nicely: the Bronx "Bombers" managed to scratch out just three hits on Sunday against erratic lefty Oliver Perez. Oh, by the way, they also got crushed 11-2 in humiliating fashion by an equally underachieving Mets squad who came into the latest Subway Series having just dropped three of four to the lowly Nationals. That awful.
So, here we go again. For three seasons now, the Yankees have stumbled out of the gate, raising serious questions about the team's ability to continue their historic run of reaching the playoffs every year since the strike-shortened 1994 season. Will this be the year they finally bury themselves in too deep of a hole to climb back out of?
Time will tell, but here's what we do know about the 2008 New York Yankees: this lineup is growing more and more unwatchable by the day. 12 runs in their last six games? Are you serious? Right now this lack of run production is an even bigger problem than the suspect pitching because the former compounds the latter. Every starter that takes the mound feels he has to be near-perfect if he wants any chance at getting a win, putting more and more pressure on every single pitch.
Here's a simple formula for shutting down this offensive Yankee offense: 1) Put the first two batters of every inning on base. 2) Watch as the ensuing batters find new ways to not drive in runs (this can take place in a variety of sequences, e.g. strikeouts, popouts, or the always exciting inning-ending double play). 3) Walk calmly back into the dugout and prepare to repeat this process in the following inning.
In 44 games this year the Yankees are batting a sickly .238 (11th in the American League) and have scored 123 runs (dead last in the AL) with runners in scoring position. That pretty much says it all. Gone is the trademark Yankee patience at the plate that so effectively used to drive up pitch counts and yield bases on balls, although those batters who happen to work a walk very rarely reach home plate these days.
Remember when Johnny Damon used to wear out pitchers with epic at-bats featuring a slew of foul balls before finally either slapping a base hit to left field or seeing ball four? Yeah, well, that's been replaced by a leadoff hitter hacking and trying to knock everything out of the ballpark, thinking that with A-Rod on the DL someone has to make up for the missing power.
Bobby Abreu, another veteran hitter known for his patience at the plate, has apparently become too patient, as he has grown a penchant for ringing up backwards K's with runners on base, all the while flashing his patented "I'm-completely-indifferent-about-this-at-bat-what-time-are-we-meeting-at-Le-Cirque-for-dinner-after-the-game" look. But I can't bag on him too much, seeing as how he provides each game with some much needed entertainment. Forget about driving to your local multiplex this summer to check out the new Batman or Indiana Jones flick. Watching Abreu trying to track down a fly ball in right field is all the adventure you need. Sometimes I swear I'm watching clips from the first ever slow pitch softball team I played on right after high school, a team whose only win came when our opponents forfeited because they couldn't drag enough players out of the bar in time for the game.
But enough of this. I'm tired of poring through numbers and splits trying to figure out why this Yankee team is currently one of the worst in baseball. Maybe it's something as bizarre as Giambi sharing his nasty gold thong with Jeter (I swear they both played extras as two of Steve Sanders' "Keghouse" frat-brothers on 90210). Or maybe it's something as simple as playing without the two most irreplaceable parts of the lineup (A-Rod and Posada) at the same time.
Whatever the reason, here's hoping they right the ship in time to make one more run at the old stadium. It would be a shame to think that one of the most historic landmarks in all of sports has seen it's last share of October baseball.
Come on, Yankees. Do it for history. Do it for tradition. Do it for honor. Do it for all the youngsters out there who look to you for inspiration. But above all this, do it for me next time I leave my Tier Reserved seats to go squat in the Loge section during the fifth inning. If I'm going to risk ejection from the stadium, I should at least get the chance to watch some quality baseball.
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